This place is f#cking crazy!

Saigon...sh*t...

The immortal words of Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now. They begin to make sense. This place is seriously insane. But awesome. But uncontrolled and zany. But fun. You get the idea. Basically, it's the kind of place you either fall madly in love with, or leave with your tail between your legs. Personally, I'm planning a return visit.

OK, so with the hyperbole aside, we spent our first day here doing the sights. A lot of this was, admittedly, forgettable, but the War Remnants Museum was amazing for its 180 degree view on everything we consider common knowledge e.g. the VC were national heroes (to us, 'war criminals'), the war was one of invasion (as opposed to 'opposing communism') and the brutality of war crimes the actions of patriots. But all that aside, this country has proudly become more than it hoped to after countless years of imperial repression, and is basking in its unique embrace of capitalism in a socialist guise.

Where was I? Oh yeah...after we were done with our wandering we collapsed into the rooftop bar of the Sheraton Hotel where we enjoyed spectacular views of the sun going down and half-price cocktails. We then indulged in our first bowl of pho, Vietnam's answer to the lamb sandwich. It's little more than meat and noodles in stock (with herbs and bean sprouts) but super tasty.

It was following this meal that we had our first run in with the Vietnamese wet season - dear God, when it rains here, nature doesn't stuff around. Anyhow, soaking wet we stumbled into the nearest dry place, which turned out to be called 'Guns 'n Roses Bar'. No points for guessing what music was playing. After a few beers and atrocious games of pool we braved the weather back to our hotel (about 20m down the street).

Yesterday, after a belated start due to my thinking I'd contracted chronic fatigue syndrome from the water, we continued our walk around the city, including Ben Than Markets and the (very filthy) river, then basically resigned ourselves to food and booze at a fantastic little place called The Goldfish. After what turned out to be half price beers, we were inspired to find the famed 'bia hoi', super-cheap draught beer sold by the litre. Having struck a rapport with the Goldfish staff, we were directed to the local swilling pit, where we not only indulged in litres of beer for less than $1 each, but also entertained the locals by my headbutting the door jamb of the very dubious bogger (the worst toilet in Scotland; an achievement for Vietnam). A staff member saw it happen and, after expressing requisite concern, nearly died laughing.

With 5 litres of this bia hoi to carry around in our stomachs we once again got caught in rain and, after some getting lost and extensive pointless debate, crashed out.

Today we actually got off our arses and saw the countryside. We took a boating tour out to the Cu Chi tunnels, famed for absolutely bollocking the Yankies during the Vietnam (read: American) War. It was amazing, but also disturbing, to hear all the stories we are so familiar with told from the completely different perspective. A highlight, but also one of the most terrifying things we've ever done, was to crawl through some of the tunnels that were home to VC for weeks, if not months or years. It was all f*cked up. We got out early, and were very grateful for the escape. There was literally not enough room to turn around in these tunnels; we were told to walk hunched over, but I ended up on hands and knees. Not good.

On our return we enjoyed another feed of pho, then settled in at a bia hoi bar, shortly before the skies opened up. The beer and the torrents down the street were ample entertainment until we decided to brave the short sprint back to our hotel and the pikers' dinner at our hotel restaruant. The run home was made all the more exciting by the fact there was no way of avoiding wet feet. The water was literally two feet deep at some points, and it took all my moral fortitude to wade through the filthy flood barefoot. Yuck. Needless to say, we have since showered and disinfected.

Another tour approaches very early tomorrow, so we depart. Farewell.