What's another word for 'shemozzle'?

I could have gone onto a massive tirade about the total cluster f*ck that called itself a 'Mekong cruise' but we've since arrived in Phenom Penh and our hotel is so damn good I almost cried. Anyhow, to the blow-by-blow description of the last few days.

When we last left you we had just written our blog in the tiniest and cheapest internet spot in the South East - it cost 1500 Dong, or about 10c. We went back to our hotel with the air con thankfully back in business, and had a fitful sleep due to a) the air con being a bit crap and b) the ceiling fan - necessitated by the crap a/c - was a noisy bugger of a thing.

The next morning we were awake briefly before a rude banging on the door to make sure we were up for breakfast. We went through the usual shower ritual - that being the ongoing conflict between getting decently clean and not soaking the throne - and had another local ritual, the omelette and bread breakfast.

We walked to the boat, after losing at least one fellow player to 'getting busy with the toilet' and others to general confusion (and complete lack of head count and other sensible tour procedures). The boat then took us to the floating Mekong markets which were actually quite interesting, with mothers and children rowing up to us to sell us stuff (including beer at 8am) and a mission (by others, not me this time) to the loo, requiring us to anchor up to 3 other tourist boats for these Pommie geezers (one of whom is now a bobbie in Adelaide) to go for a slash. The highlight was a freshly cut pineapple, with imperfections cut out and the whole thing perfectly halved as we watched. It was sweet, juicy and delicious.

The boat then took us to a couple of fairly ordinary tourist activities including a rice noodle factory. While I say it was ordinary, it's interesting to note that rice noodles start life as rice paper - cool. The last stop was a rice processing factory which was actually fascinating, if not only because of the utter disdain for anything resembling safety - tourists were just wandering around these fast, loud and bloody dangerous machines with zero safety gear. It's just the way it's done.

Closing out the day's activities, the boat took us back to Can Tho where we had a lot of time to waste before getting back on a bus. We met up with some decent Aussies who took us to a vego restaurant they'd discovered and it rocked my world - all these dishes were superb and it cost 8000 Dong each - about 80c. Crazy. Bec and I then wandered around aimlessly, then decided to look for a supermarket which turned into a mission, and then landed at a very touristy restaurant on the waterfront primarily so I could use the crapper (and can I say that was one of the day's highlights too).

After the requisite time (and, of course, Vietnamese 'rubber time' for good measure) had elapsed we were on another bus (boat tour my pie hole) and this was another debacle, with some people having been told they were on a 'luxury overnight river cruise' which, cramped on a bus, they weren't happy with. Rubber time also wreaked havoc since us Aussies, having sunk a few beers on the bus and prior, were in need of facilities, and we were always 'five minutes' from our toilet break. Eventually we made to the next town and took a small boat across to the floating hotel, which really was just a glorified boat with a few rooms. We had to take a trip back across the river to get cash since the glorifed boat wasn't glorious enough for credit facilities. Cash in hand, we ate a quite decent meal and had a good chat with a few more poms and crashed after a few beers.

This morning we were again up at arse o clock to get on a boat for another contrived tourist thing, firstly to a floating fish farm which was really about as interesting as my armpit (and just as smelly) then to a small village of a Muslim ethnic minority. Frankly this sucked. This group of people seemed to exist only to sell crap to tourists and it seemed no way to live. We were all back on the boat before the guide. The most interesting thing was the gangplank to land that was so damn ricketty it scared the crud out of me.

The rest of the day was on target, a debacle. It turns out the US$10 option we paid for to get a 'fast boat' was ultimately the only option, since all those choosing the slow boat had been asked, repeatedly, for 24 hours, if they wanted to change to the fast. Mysteriously, our fast boat departed very slowly and, after what seemed a pre-determined time, we turned back to pick up the stragglers on the slow boat whose boat had, conveniently, broken down. That said, they seemed to have fixed it the moment everyone was on board our boat. Bloody arseheads. Clearly there was no intent to take two boats and it was all a scam for an additional $US10 each.

The rest of the day was taken up with more boats, buses and confused border crossings, including our knob guide taking Bec's passport then claiming not to have it, leading to a frantic search of the whole stinking boat, just for us to take it from him. Knob.

All that can be brushed aside as our hotel in PP rocks, we're hungry and we're spoilt for choice for dinner. Can't wait, so I won't. Cheers.